Picture book addition

It's not easy being an herbivore in a carnivore's world.

Sh*t I think about

So because I’m a stay-at-home mom.  I think about some weird sh*t.  I know I’m not alone in playing out these freakish catastrophe drills in my brain.  Other mom’s have told me about their own (as like to call them) disaster fantasies.  Worst case scenarios.  For example:  A mom’s alone with her kids, the kids are trapped in the bathroom.   The mom lies at the bottom of the stairs semi-unconscious, probably bleeding, and unable to murmur a weak “help” to the postman who is just on the other side of the front door.  The postman hesitates, just for a moment, because he thinks he hears something – but no.  In this scenario, I am  the mom is able to scratch one finger nail against the door, but no one hears me her…no one hears….

For arguments sake let’s say this happens.  Only, the kids are not locked in the bathroom, and the mom is not semi-unconscious by the front door.  She’s semi-unconscious in the bathroom – so the kids aren’t worried, they just think she’s hiding and crying while reading the Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, again.

When I think about this scene – It’s so much better than 2 years ago, because now my kids are 7 and 5.   I actually breathed a sigh of relief the other day thinking about this.

• They know where the cups are, and that the fridge has milk and juice boxes. (They won’t dehydrate.)
• They know where the Cheez-its are, as well as, Fig Newtons, Saltines, String Cheese, and Salami. (They won’t starve.)
• They know how to use the toilet (The house won’t be turned into a cat-lady style litter box.)
• They don’t know where the extra toilet paper is…but one of my kids, I won’t say which, discovered that any cloth-type surface, disposable or not, will work in a pinch.  (They won’t be filthy cave-children.)
• My youngest has figured out how to make chocolate milk and use the microwave.  I think she’s planning for disaster, too.  She also knows where I hide the mini-marshmallows.  (My youngest won’t whine.)
• They know where the band-aids and Neosporin are.  (Small cuts won’t turn into gangrene.)
• Not only do they know how to turn on the tv – they can switch input sources from the 1st remote for dvd, apple tv, and network.  They can select channels from the 2nd remote,  and apple tv movies and youtube from the 3rd remote.  (They’ll be entertained until help arrives.)
• They know that Netflix On-Demand is free, and premier movies are NOT.  (We won’t be charged for watching “Despicable Me” 30 times.)

At this point, my husband returns home…or the kids miss school, and help will arrive.  I am either dead, or shall awaken from a mild-concussion induced, yet exceptionally restful sleep.

Either way – the kids are okay.  And I thank God.

He has his father’s thumbs

8 truths (I someday hope to understand and lovingly accept)

1.  Kids make a house messy and that’s okay.  Real Simple magazine is selling a pack of lies, man.  (But I lu-uhv to read it and sigh.)

2.  My mother wasn’t lying when she said, “Honey, there just aren’t enough hours in the day.”

3.  I can’t move furniture all by myself. (Oh, I can, as long as I also want gashes in my hardwood floor)

4.  Just because there’s an old crusty can of white paint in the basement, doesn’t mean it’s a match.

5.  T.V. will not actually melt my kids brains.

6.  I was a picky eater too – and this is just payback.

7.  If I leave the house the dishes will not magically get done, like on t.v.

8.  Time does not conveniently stop while I’m on the computer.  It accelerates.

Lemonade is up for Documentary of the year on The Documentary Channel!

Please vote for my husband’s amazing film Lemonade. It’s the story of what creative people do when they lose their jobs in advertising, and get creative on their own terms.

Just go to the link here at The Documentary Channel, fill out some stuff and vote.

The film is available on itunes if you’d like to watch it!

Thank you

Exactly…

I love surfing the web for cool artist’s sites.  There are so many amazing people out there and I love seeing how others see the world.  I stumbled on this talented artist’s site a little while ago, Stef’s Sketches. His latest post was perfect.  If you’ve ever had a teething child…this is exactly what it’s like.

twinkle twinkle

finished the sparkly ceiling. it’s awwwwesome!  It’s much more subtle than I was picturing.  In the day you can’t really notice it – just looks like the ceiling has some luster.

but at night with the lights – oh it’s sparkly!  Just right.  It definitely would have stood out more on the walls – way more twinkly.  But I really like how this turned out.  It’s kind of a surprise that only reveals at night.

gotta figure out how to get a picture…need an open exposure…

It’s my first Retraction!

Okay – so the other day I did a post/rant/observation about the game Monopoly.  I called it serious capitalist training. I also said that these days mortgages and bankruptcies are not funny – and not really a game.

But, I also said that I would play the game anyway, because playing a game, any game, is fun.

And Monopoly is fun.

My family had been playing a Monopoly game over the course of 3 days and well, I kinda liked it.

I took some serious juvenile pleasure in nearly bankrupting my opponent (husband).  I had 2 houses on Pacific Avenue that almost did him in.  I was winning (had tons of cash and property).  But, we folded the game in the best interest of the kids.  It was getting too one-sided. (My sided.)

I challenged him to a new game tonight…What’s wrong with me?

Oh dear God, I’m a capitalist.

Listen up, Squirrel

I’m not gonna file a cease and desist order.  Feel absolutely free to chew on my pumpkins.  I get it, you’re a rodent, you’re hungry and you have no concept of “property.”

All I’m sayin’, is that the last squirrel who chewed on my pumpkins ended up eviscerated by a falcon on our front steps.

Is it worth it?

Screw modesty

I’m gonna get one of those giant double airport-restroom toilet paper wheels installed in our bathroom.