Sometimes

all it takes is a well-fitting bra to make me feel like I could rule the world.

stuff I knit

Fabulous Scarf

This is SUPER easy.  If you can do a knit stitch you can make this scarf.

If I don’t shave my legs for one more day, I will cease to be human.

Day

6:48 am : giant mug of coffee.  well, I figured something out – my absolutely worst (and most private) eating happens with PMS.  To some extent I always knew this…but in my 40′s the cravings have seemingly mutated.  Here’s the thing, most of the PMS binge eating happens after 4 pm, after not eating healthy all day, and no exercise, AND without having to blog about it for people to read (including my husband).  We will see.  Which force is greater?  PMS cravings or internet exposure? I have approximately 23 days until I’m put to the test again…

It’s like this:

In the Lord of the Rings when Frodo offers the one Ring to Galadriel then she flips out and turns into a dark green monster queen…picture the same scene, but with a Twix Bar.

8:08 am : whole wheat toast with soynut butter and ginger mango smoothie (frozen mango chunks (Trader Joe’s has big bags, cheap), juice packed lite peaches, greek 0% fat yogurt, dry ginger, little apple juice to mix, protein powder)

9:00 am : Asked husband to purchase, hand out and manage the Halloween candy – I can’t be trusted.

12:00 pm:  went to grocery store and picked up stuff, including halloween candy.  But NO Twix bars.  Those I can’t resist.  If there was only one candy bar manufactured I’d want it to be Twix.  Lunch: Frozen Salmon burger, leftover veggie brown rice with a little red curry sauce, peas.  water

3:30 pm : Exercise 1 hour hike with family.  Stopped at Friendly’s for bite.  Not much there for a person trying to cut back on sugar and fat.  Had a grilled chicken sandwich ate 1/4 of the bun, no sauce and a side salad instead of fries…which cost an extra 2 dollars.  water

4:20 Hot Red Rooibus tea.

Dinner tonight will be pan cooked veal cutlets.  Disclaimer:  We get all our eggs/beef/pork/lamb from the Houde Family Farm in Vermont who produces responsible grass fed meat.  The veal is not penned.  They keep the calf for about a year with the herd.  So, dinner also includes brown rice, steamed broccoli, cauliflower and Tonton ginger sauce.

6:00 pm :  had seconds of dinner – piled up the brown rice and veggies…..if i’m going to overeat – make it the good stuff.  I think that’s it for today…if I have anything else it would be tea and/or some grapes.

halloween is tomorrow…..candy candy candy

Scrap bag almost done

If I’m not going to be eating while watching tv – I might as well knit.  So, this bag is made from leftovers (Pun not intended.)  I have to finish the handles, maybe some pockets – and felt the thing.

Could be cool.

day 2

5:48 am : Did not eat and watch tv last night, well, I watched tv, “Objectified,” great documentary about design.  Going for a walk after coffee.  Going to get proper shoes today.  Halloween party at kid’s school – pray for me. These candy holidays are brutal.

7:45 am : Breakfast sandwich: whole wheat toast with olive oil fried egg, piled up spinach and salsa, mmmmmmm salsa.  Pace, it’s the best commercial salsa.  All normal ingredients, nice and thick with NO high fructose corn syrup or sugar.  Medium has a nice little kick to it.  Buckets of coffee with 1% milk, no sweetener – I read that artificial sweeteners can trigger a “sweet response” – don’t need that before noon.  Again – have Halloween party at Ben’s school – candy, cupcakes, cookies.  I’m gonna feel like a gambling addict at the track with my horse posted as the favorite and my wallet only mildly glued shut.

12:13 pm :  Back from running errands. Hungry, but have some housework to do – crammed down toast with soynut butter and a banana.  Water and more water.  Helpful lady at the running shoe store asked to observe me running to check my feet.  I scowled, “you mean, here? now?”  She asked if that would be okay..I said, “You want me to run, outside?”  I panicked.  I thought she wanted me to run up the street from the congested intersection, an intersection with lots of bored staring eyes.  I broke a sweat and looked at my feet. In a calm voice she said,  “Oh, no, no.  We have a treadmill in the store.”         “Ahhhhhhhh,”  I said.

12:45 pm :  eating COSTCO salmon burger over bagged broccoli slaw and some bagged lettuce that has seen better days.  Dressed with Marie’s yogurt ranch dressing.

3:26 pm : Friday afternoon kids home…there was no Halloween party at school, just a craft.  I ended up not going to the craft and just saw the kid’s costume parade.  Want to eat an entire bag of cheddar Quakes…which will send me down a slippery slope.  Eating an apple, and if that doesn’t work…1/2 turkey sandwich with some cottage cheese on the side.

4:30 pm : Ate the sandwich, cottage cheese and more apple.  This is the bad time of day.  Want to eat cereal, crackers, and cookies.  Having red rooibus tea.  It’s sweet and spicy without needed anything put in it.  Have a giant batch of brown rice…not sure what’s gonna happen with that…

6:11 pm :  Dinner: Brown rice with steamed frozen edamame, chopped cauliflower, broccoli, and spinach mixed up with a little low sodium chicken broth and leftover red curry sauce from take out. Not bad – couple of peanuts for garnish.  Very filling…that beans veggies and rice.

7:15 pm : ate the leftover grapes from Clara’s dinner – GOD this is a pain in the ass writing everything down.  Will have tea later….something with an unregulated herbal sedative, preferably.

8:11 pm :  Argh.  Going to make hot-air popped popcorn with artificial something on it.  Want to watch Nightmare before Christmas with husband.

9:53 :  Popcorn not too bad.  Dry, even with spray stuff though.  Didn’t watch Nightmare before Christmas – But did lose appetite after watching 25 minutes of “District 9.”  No tea.    To bed.  Commencing nightmares about crayfish.

No, I don’t have a baby in my tummy

That was the answer to the question my daughter asked me this morning.  I kindly told her no.  Then I looked at my husband and told him what she’d asked.  It’s funny, sure.  But it really bummed me out – Yes, I need to lose a few pounds.  Anyway, he kindly reassured me that I do not look pregnant.  But wow.  SO – I am going to start a diary about the state of my condition and what I’m gonna do about it.  I know what has to be done….it’s the lack of accountability that gets me into trouble.  So, full exposure is my plan for motivation.  If I eat 10 Strawberry Newtons and a 1/2 a pack of graham crackers with a glass of milk at 11:30 pm while watching Sleepless in Seattle – well then, I just have to fess up.  Also, if I exercise and eat healthy then I can proudly post it.

See, I’ve tried lots of stuff – But right now I don’t want to join a program, don’t really have the spare cash.  I also don’t have tons of time to keep tons of track.  I do know what I have to do.  And, I do have time to blog quickly and blurt out what I’ve done or haven’t done….and maybe this adventure might help someone else who’s in the same boat.

9:00 am – This morning I ate a bowl of Kashi 7 grain nuggets with Fage’ yogurt and with 1/2 banana, frozen blueberries and a couple light canned peaches packed with juice only.  Now I’m going for a walk and will do some light free weights when I get back.    I also drank 2 mugs of coffee with 1% milk.  I hate skim in my coffee and soymilk is OUT of the question – I have tried, dear God I have tried, but I just can’t drink soymilk…accept and move on.

11:00 am :  Went for 35 min walk, used 6lb dumbbells – did bicep/tricep/shoulder thing for 10 min. Drank 3 glasses of water.  Need to go to store to get stuff to eat that’s not crackers and cheese.

12:00 pm : running late for volunteer work at school had unsweetened applesauce for lunch over the sink.  Yes, I was still very hungry.

1:30 pm : Grocery shopped for: frozen broccoli to mix with brown rice, broccoli/cabbage slaw, spinach, frozen edamame, soynut butter, greek no fat plain yogurt, black autumn seedless grapes (a bushel),  beans for double bean chili, popcorn to hot air pop – and I’m gonna try some of that popcorn spray – I hate the idea of shellacking my popcorn with God knows what – but hot air popped popcorn is a good filler, and there’s nothing in that spray that’s gonna put on weight, maybe grow an extra eye – but no weight, so let’s keep on the sunny side.

4:00 came home from picking up kids n’ stuff – so hungry.  Ate whole wheat toast with soynut butter and 1/2 banana.  The soynut butter didn’t suck like I thought it would.  Doesn’t taste like almond/peanut butter – tastes like toasted soy beans..which I like, so that works.  Drank 2 giant glasses of water.

4:42 pm :  eating the leftover apple slices from both my kid’s lunches.

4:45 pm : hot green tea

5:50 pm : took kids to mcdonald’s for dinner and I didn’t eat ANY of it.  I am having peas and brown rice with some black bean/beef chili on top, with a tiny little bit of grated cheddar  – then tea later.  Gonna try not to eat after dinner – if i do…it will be hot air popped popcorn or grapes (great piles of either, until I get used to this)

You’re not losing your mind – You’re 40

I’ve been advised not to do a post like this and I totally get why. Women talking about being 40, losing their minds, and freaking out about their periods is uncomfortable and weird for dudes.  So, if you’re a dude, and you’re reading this, and you’re not Alan Alda, please stop and click on this link immediately: I Don’t Like You in That Way.

Now that that’s out of the way…My actual title for this post was going to be “Menopause, the new Period.”  But, here’s the problem.  Just saying the “M” word immediately conjures up images of gray haired View hostesses complaining about pedicures, the media, surface scratching-yet emotionally charged politics, Swarovski crystals, and Spanx.

So what do you do when you’re stuck in the middle?  If you’re me, you blog about it.  Cause here’s the thing.  I’ve had to read about this peri-menopause, pre-menopause, menopause…blah blah blah, unearthed and secretly on the internet….or worse yet, by picking up a copy of Prevention or MORE. (Bluh)  I’m only 42. I’m not ready for those magazines, that’s weird.  But, what’s truly weird is that I still feel like I’m the moronic teenager I was in high school, skipping study hall to buy Doritos, Twix, and cigarettes.  (and yes, I still engage in 2 of those activities.)

Anyway, my point is that this condition is responsible for a litany of ailments.  I even emailed this list to my husband to prove I wasn’t making this shit up.  And, unless you’re doing this sort of internet investigation these ailments end up being treated a la carte.  You just feel awful, feel weird, and want to cry when you hear the theme song to “Cheers.” I talked to my doctor about it as a systemic issue, and she kinda shrugged her shoulders and said…”Meh, you’re not old enough, and these things happen.”  (I refer to her as Doctor Indifferent.)  Yes, I know I need a new one.

Anyhow here’s the list:

1. Migraines
2. Food Cravings (cereal, cereal, cereal)
3. Depression
4. Anxiety
5. Dizziness
6. Forgetfulness (wait, why am I in the basement?)
7. Weight Gain (mid-section)
8. Hot Flashes (no, it’s not hot in here, freak)
9. Night Sweats
10. Insomnia
11. Freaky Periods (horror show)
12. Super Bloating
13. Mood Swings (jekyll and hydes)
14. Hair Loss (with added bonus of facial hair)
15. Pain in joints and muscles
16. Loss of Libido (a husband’s fav)
17. Fatigue (my fav)

Here’s the site where I found the list: Menopause Symptoms.

I’m not doing this post because I have any solutions, (that’s Suzanne Somer’s job,)  but rather, in case you’re a chick like me, who doesn’t feel that old, and who in fact, isn’t that old, and is feeling like, “What the f*ck is going on?”  (That was an excessive use of commas, I’m high on coffee.)

Anyway, you are not insane…you are sane.  “But, in an insane society a sane person must appear insane.”  (I gotta stop with the Star Trek.)  I believe that was Spock.

lavender – lavender will make it better

It’s the end of summer.  My son has started school, but my daughter doesn’t start until next week.  Which is exactly one light year.

Here’s the thing.   I enjoy, love, and have fun with my kids, but I’m ready to shift gears.  They’re bored, I’m running on fumes and we need the professionals to take over, it’s time.  My husband suspected that I was unhappy this morning, but really it’s not that.  There’s a difference between unhappiness and just being done.   I would say about 90% of the moms I talk to are in the same boat.  I recognize the look immediately at the playground.  The mom with the million mile stare, has 2 or more kids pulling at her clothes, and has a slightly slower reaction time.

What me and these moms have done, until this point, is not phone it in.  For me, I have played Barbies (in FULL character), I have played Candyland (without stacking the deck), Chutes and Ladders, Don’t break the Ice, chased on the playground, taken to playdates, read to, colored with, baked with (healthy pumpkiny muffins ‘n stuff), helped learn cool computer games (PBS-education based), played in the backyard kid pool, jumped into freezing water, praised the good behavior, disciplined the bad, respectfully and thoughtfully answered questions, taught words, letters, numbers, addition, subtraction, and danced, and joked around, and and and and and and – I am now ready for them to have the structure of school – the comraderie – the challenge – and the pride they will feel through independent success.

Soon.

So, I got to thinking about those old Calgon commercials.  Remember?   The kids are all going nuts, any control has been lost, the house looks like a Tim Burton inspired domestic snowglobe, and the mom has retreated to the bathroom to marinate in a solution of scented granules.  (Read: Mom has lost her mind, locked herself in the bathroom, and the only solution is relaxive aggression.)  I do not want to be a sudsy martyr.

I simply want to do my job effectively.  Everyone knows that a happy mom (or stay at home dad) means a happy family.  It’s the pace that will change.  I don’t think it will be perfect (I’m not delusional) – but I know I will grocery shop alone and maybe paint a small room lilac for a little girl.

I don’t want to be “taken away,”  I simply want to be right here, right now and of sound mind.

That said, I do enjoy the occasional bubble bath, no pounding at the door please.

it’s official

my tweezers are now on HIGH alert.