Gotta walk the talk

In my family we try to encourage mistakes.  My son in particular.  He gets very upset when things aren’t just right.  We’ve worked hard to teach him that mistakes are ok.  Mistakes help you do better next time.  It’s hard for me to watch him get so upset, mad at himself, and tear pages out of his notebook just ’cause a word is misspelled.  It’s hard because I used to do the same thing.

I remember all too vividly a day in the 2nd grade when during a spelling test, I practically had a nervous breakdown.  The teacher was reading the words too fast. I fell behind and the word was Hawaii.  The other kids saw my frustration and whispered the words I had missed.  God, I remember feeling like I was lost and scared and frustrated and helpless.  I was actually crying during a spelling test, geez.  Now, to see my son feel that way, it’s so hard.  Everyday I tell him mistakes are good!  Tell yourself, “Aw, shucks.  I’ll try again.  A mistake is a little lesson.”

Truth is, I’m still working on it myself.  Everyday I remind myself that things don’t have to be perfect.  The trick is accepting the fact that nothing is.  Kids are the best teachers.  Every time I remind him to be flexible, love his mistakes and move on – I’m really just talking to myself.  It seems we both can help each other that way.

My daughter, on the other hand, is completely tuned into her mistakes.  She just smiles and says, “Hehehe, that looks silly, try again!”  She is so easy going and their differences help each other.

Nothing is perfect.  Nothing is perfect.  Nothing is perfect and that’s ok.

Ben, thanks for helping me to learn, Clara, thanks for setting the example.

Ok honey, calmly set it down for me…

This morning I just wanted to take a quick shower. Both the kids were occupied downstairs. Here’s what you don’t want to hear 2 minutes later…”Mommy I’m hungry and Look! I have a knife for you!”

‘Tis the gift to be simple

Ya know who had a ton of stuff figured out? The Shakers. For years I’ve been fascinated by their historic religious experiment. They were faithful.  They took in anyone that asked – Even “seasonal” Shakers, people who were not true believers, but were just looking for a place for the winter. They were exceptional craftsmen, and inventors – they were responsible for the circular saw blade, the flat ended broom, seeds in packets, and awesome furniture. AND as a form of humility, they often did not seek patents for their inventions. When thieves stole food from their crops – They simply planted more crops. But what got me thinking about the Shakers lately, was looking at my cluttered house. ‘Cause another thing they had really figured out, was organized living.

All of their floors were wooden, that cleans up quickly. They placed peg boards high up on the walls to hang the chairs while they cleaned. The chairs were specifically designed for this purpose. They created walls of drawers to put all their stuff in – the drawers were plain, crafted and lovely. They designed oval wooden boxes for storage. But, not just any ol’ boxes, these were bent wood and dovetailed. Imagine a hat box, but made from the thinnest wood. Amazing.

Their living had to be organized and lovely. They believed that they honored God with their work and lives. Therefore everything they did was lovingly crafted to near perfection. Their lives and their lands were meticulous. It would be – Imagine if everything we did was to honor God. Every dish we washed, every shirt we folded, every job we did…a form of worship. My house would be impeccable. Is it a cop-out to say our lives are more complicated and it just wouldn’t be possible?

Truth is, with kids around I don’t see how it could be possible. One thing kids know how to do is un-do. Oh, and the Shakers didn’t have any of their own kids. They lovingly took in young orphans – but Shakers were celibate, so not a lot of kids. Come to think of it, celibacy probably freed them up to get a lot more stuff done.

But I keep thinking, imagine a life where every little thing that’s done is a form of worship. How much more meaning would the day have? Nothing would be mundane, and everything would be significant. It’s a tall order.

The Shaker Song starts, “‘Tis the gift to be simple. ’tis the gift to be free…”Indeed, I bet there’s amazing freedom that comes with simplification. I’d love to find out…

My Taoist Teacher

Wu Wei is one of the principles of Taoism. It means “not forcing.” It took my kindergartner to school me on this one. Benjamin Hoff explains it nicely, “The efficiency of Wu Wei is like that of water flowing over and around rocks in its path-not the mechanical, straight-line approach that usually ends up short-circuiting natural laws, but one that evolves from an inner sensitivity to the natural rhythm of things. “

The natural rhythm of things. See, that’s where I’ve been going wrong. So, I tried an experiment the other day. Usually, when I pick up my son from school I’m like, “Let’s go, we got stuff to do, c’mon!” The more I force the issue, the more he resists. I am met with not only equal, but greater opposing force. And he is very skilled.

So, I changed some of our appointments to later in the day. I allowed time for the wandering fashion of his exit and didn’t even talk about leaving. I just slowly headed in the direction I needed him, and his sister, to go. Each time I advanced, they advanced. They stopped and looked at stuff, talked to friends, and kicked at the snow. Within a mere 20 minutes, I had successfully gotten them on the path I needed. 20 minutes of letting them wander and play – totally worth it.

Now, I won’t be able to do that everyday. There are times when I have to bring the Sheriff. But for the rest of the time, maybe I could slow our pace down. Of course, I have also learned that with kids, the second I figure something like this out – they change the rules. But yesterday was, shall we say, enlightening.

Benjamin Hoff again, “Wu Wei overcomes force by neutralizing its power, rather than by adding to the conflict.” It really took a 5 year old to help me understand this. As a parent, I learn everyday. My two kids? The best teachers I’ve ever had.