I told them if there was one more outburst we would not get bagels.

There was an outburst.  There were no bagels.  I was the woman on Main Street with 2 wailing kids.  Tears and snot exploding out of them.  They are sad.  They hate me.  Someone, please tell me I did the right thing.

I don’t mean to be all Nanny 911 – But,

I am always trying new things to motivate my 4 and 5 year olds. Lately, I have been on a quest for something that gets their butts moving, without having to hear myself yell. A positive reinforcer, which was not included in my DNA. I think I read about this system in a magazine somewhere…and we’ve been doing this for about 2 months now, and it’s working for us.

I feel like I must share this with my fellow mothers and fathers. If I did not, I would be carrying out a gross injustice by sheltering this information. Like I said, it works for us – That’s all I know. I’m not an expert, but I want to throw it out there as a working system.

I got a set of plastic counting tokens/chips. I think I got them at a Learning Store – or it might have been the Staples art section. Then, I took one of my leftover, giant, plastic pretzel jugs from COSTCO. I wrote Burger King on it.

Every time the kids respond to our requests – they get a chip. Get dressed – Get a chip. Put your dishes on the counter – get a chip. Turn off the TV or Leapster II and don’t have a giant freak-out – Get a chip. They seem to enjoy it, and there is a very satisfying ka-plink when the chip is dropped in. Once we get 20 chips, we go to Burger King on Sunday.

The system is sort of set up as a no-fail. We never take any chips out as a punishment – which I think is important. They can pretty easily meet the goal of 20 chips. They win, I win – and I have had a significant reduction in headaches.

So, there it is. Phew…I feel much freer now that I have shared.

That’s it!

I was just on the phone with a friend of mine. She said, “Uh, I’m going to the grocery store right now and I’m dreading it.” I agreed and said, “Yeah, why is going to the grocery store sucking so right now?” Here’s why. Our youngest children no longer sit placidly in the cart with a lollipop. Going grocery shopping means acting out a real life episode of Tom and Jerry.

That mom looking desperate, and that kid on the floor yelling about chocolate milk and doughnuts? me and mine.

Thank you Rolling Stones.

This actually happened. A few months ago we were driving in the car, and my son was wailing in the back seat. He was upset because he wanted a video he saw at Target. I said no. So the gnashing of teeth and screaming began. With nothing creative left in me, I calmly said….”Ya know honey, you can’t always get what you want…But if you try sometimes, well you might find, you get what you need.”

Oh yes…you get what you need.

But, It’s not Fair!

My son has spirit. Lots and lots of spirit. Some days he gets really upset about the things he can’t do or have. As hard as it is to tell him No – I have to. But, it kills me because I can see how unfair a child’s world can be. Go brush your hair, Go to bed, Eat this, Sit down, Write this, Turn that off, Come downstairs NOW! You get the idea. And, as I watch him rage against the machine…part of me admires him for it.

He used to yell a lot at the doctor’s office…still does when he gets shots. I think, ya know…I’m glad my kid puts up a fight. There’s a person coming at him with a sharp object, he knows what’s coming. Frankly, I’d scream too if I could. I practically pass out every time I have a blood draw.

But there’s a balance for me. It’s between teaching my kids to be socially acceptable, and not crushing their spirit. I know that it’s my job to channel his will. If I can get him to use it for good and not evil – then my work will be done.

I have also tried to teach myself the latest techniques for managing this. I’ve read all the books, and consulted with teachers and professionals. So much for us comes down to leading by example. The old “Do as I say not as I do” just doesn’t fly with him.

But, sometimes all the patience in the world doesn’t help at the end of the day. They are tired, and I am tired…Sometimes I wish the tables could be turned. ‘Cause I would love to hear…”Mom, UP to your room NOW – and go RIGHT to bed!”

Ahhhh – I can dream…

Stupid Lightbulb

I’m psyched, because at some point this week I need to go to the hardware store. The light over my stove went out. More specifically, the last light that was still working. So now I have to go…Have you ever taken a 4 year old to the hardware store? It’s awesome.

It’s like walking into a demented fun house. The aisles are a narrow maze-like puzzle, everything is within arm’s reach, and all of it is either sharp, dangerous or poisonous. Last time we went, my daughter put me through a gauntlet of parental terror. While I was trying to ask questions about light bulbs(it’s always light bulbs), she was busy eying the frisbee-like circular saw blades, picking up boxes of d-con, and grabbing giant hammers while stumbling away from me.

Of course my alternative is going to Target. There, we have to walk through a pink and purple candy-colored array of tutus, tops, shoes and other twinkly things before we get to electrical.  You may wonder, does a 4 year old girl get distracted by such things?  And I would say, does a Tinkerbell backpack sparkle?

So my choices are: sharp metal store or screaming tantrum store…

Instead, I’ll just keep thinking about how much I really need to see the mac and cheese while I’m cooking it.