Wu Wei is one of the principles of Taoism. It means “not forcing.” It took my kindergartner to school me on this one. Benjamin Hoff explains it nicely, “The efficiency of Wu Wei is like that of water flowing over and around rocks in its path-not the mechanical, straight-line approach that usually ends up short-circuiting natural laws, but one that evolves from an inner sensitivity to the natural rhythm of things. “
The natural rhythm of things. See, that’s where I’ve been going wrong. So, I tried an experiment the other day. Usually, when I pick up my son from school I’m like, “Let’s go, we got stuff to do, c’mon!” The more I force the issue, the more he resists. I am met with not only equal, but greater opposing force. And he is very skilled.
So, I changed some of our appointments to later in the day. I allowed time for the wandering fashion of his exit and didn’t even talk about leaving. I just slowly headed in the direction I needed him, and his sister, to go. Each time I advanced, they advanced. They stopped and looked at stuff, talked to friends, and kicked at the snow. Within a mere 20 minutes, I had successfully gotten them on the path I needed. 20 minutes of letting them wander and play – totally worth it.
Now, I won’t be able to do that everyday. There are times when I have to bring the Sheriff. But for the rest of the time, maybe I could slow our pace down. Of course, I have also learned that with kids, the second I figure something like this out – they change the rules. But yesterday was, shall we say, enlightening.
Benjamin Hoff again, “Wu Wei overcomes force by neutralizing its power, rather than by adding to the conflict.” It really took a 5 year old to help me understand this. As a parent, I learn everyday. My two kids? The best teachers I’ve ever had.
